Reasons I've Cried In August
An Incomplete List
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There’s a short video that lives rent free in my head.
In this clip (2 min) renowned author Toni Morrison speaks about how during the civil rights movement, white mothers in the South would violently push over school busses of Black children.
They were children.
She continues by saying she can’t imagine a situation where she’d be able to convince Black mothers from any walk of life to take that same action towards white children.
I believe this statement continues to hold true on both sides.
The date has changed. However in many ways, the hate remains the same.
My random thoughts on the racist history of this country…
But that’s not why I’m here.
Let’s talk about a handful of reasons I’ve cried in August.
I saw a father and baby at the park (the child was alive and their limbs were intact)
I heated a pot of water for tea and thought about Sonya Massey
I remembered that slavery was real and there’s never been accountability, emotional repair or financial reparations
I reconciled with the truth that I may never make it to Mexico to create a life of rest, ease and safety simply because I lack money
I thought about the reality that as a poor Black woman who lacks an in person community, I’ll likely die alone and unclaimed
A Black woman called me ‘love’
I heard a beautiful piece of violin music and thought about the gentle face of Ralph Yarl
Click here to read about the recovery of this gentle human
(Another video on this topic by the brilliant Sunny Dae Jones because I can.)
My heart ached at the knowing that I’ll never have children (I turn 50 next year - I really wanted to be a Mom)
I put on a hoodie one chilly day and thought about the smile of Trayvon Martin
I accepted the fact that my life will presumably be cut short by poverty, racism or weathering
These are a handful of moments that made me weep this month, I’m certain they’ll be others.
Lastly, if you’re in search of a deeper way to learn from, engage with, and invest in my writing then I’ve created a Patreon. *jazz hands* Please don’t be fooled by the enthusiasm - I is tired. I am on the edge of a mental health crisis resulting from chronic financial and emotional stress that makes it hard to breathe.
However, the violence of capitalism demands that I create or die.
This is not how we are meant to live.
On that note, lemme wrap this up and start that next piece…
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#PovertySucks
Hold on, sweet sistah! Just hold on...something solid and joyous is on its way to you. It will be the shores of somewhere where rest and living feel possible. You'll breathe easy. In the meantime, take DEEP care :-)
You are a seriously gifted writer. And an all-around beautiful human. Thank you for being you. I wish I could promise you rainbows and daisies, but I won't pretend to have that power. Instead, I will promise to keep helping you reach more people because we NEED your voice.