Exactly. It’s nearly impossible to talk our trauma brain and trauma heart off the cliff of worrying about seemingly small things that we actually haven’t done wrong. And the price of poverty is that you don’t have time for trauma this but you have more of it to deal with.
I just read a really interesting essay about how we punish ourselves by measuring what should be easy by how much time or effort it should take and not by how much it weighs on us.
I had a project that I didn’t know how much time it would take but it ended up taking a little over a hour. Once I started it wasn’t that hard either. But it weighed so much. It was so important and the responsibility of it was weighing on me. I’ve had 2 minute phone calls I needed to make weigh on me because of my fear of being a nuisance. This new framing helped me realize that it only adds to my suffering to punish myself for what weighs on me because it’s not difficult for people who don’t have my trauma or neurodivergence.
And I’m sure, absolutely certain, every message from you is a gift whenever you deliver it. 💗
Thank you for saying that about not having time for trauma. I haven’t been able to find the words but that’s it. I get angry at myself because I haven’t healed that part of my brain but that’s because I haven’t had space to. My life is one trauma to the next. And I so relate to the weight of tasks. I appreciate the reframe, I really want to be more empathetic (and gentler) towards myself. Grateful for your kind words, Amy. 💗
Robin. I love you. Please love you too. And I remember your Memorial Day post and my original comments stand. Even more so. Screw the folks who unsubscribed. Pearls before swine, as they say. I freaking HATE July 4th. I tried to go camping to get away from the testosteroney-explode-shit-miscreants and ended up having to pack my car up at ten, because some a-holes started setting off professional grade explosives, then drive into the middle of no where (away from mountain camping) to sleep in my truck with my two dogs and partner. My little shepherd is terrified of fireworks, and in New Mexico, it is SO dry, they are banned in most places. But does this stop these morons from trying to start a fire and kill us all in the name of “liberty?” Hell, no. F them all. That is how I’m feeling this morning. Just want some damn PEACE and QUIET. And I am with you.
I love you too, Tristen. Thank you for that. Reading your camping experience made me so damn angry. People like that are selfish to the point of destruction and for what? I’m starting to feel that way you did that morning. Except, it’s every single day lately. I can’t stand that for me. We deserve peace, quiet, safety and to exist with people who care about others. I’m really glad you’re here.💗
We are bombarded with success stories exclusively where key elements are missing, so we don't have a remotely realistic understanding of what it takes to sell the content online.
Your writing helps uncover the ugly truth, it is authentic. Thank you for that! 🩷
That means a lot, thank you Jelena. I look forward to sharing my successes one day too but for now, this is where I am and that’s ok. Thankful to have people like yourself that are with me! 💗
Aww, I actually came back to read the previous post as I was genuinely interested but I had no capacity at the time. I can definitely relate to what you have mentioned here from my own experience. I personally have found ease and solace in meditative philosophy/strategies. Primarily that we are not our thoughts. It has given me breathing room to unravel some of the pain that is wrapped up into the self-talk that echos I am a burden. I am still too on a desperate search for belonging, the strongest connections I have felt are with trees. I wanted to witness what you had wrote in the previous post, as your perspectives and experiences are important. I am here because you share your truth
I’ve been feeling a pull to meditate too. It feels odd to say but quiet is scary for me because the voices in the silence are so cruel. And I relate to your self-talk - I hear that same thing. The search for belonging has been such a painful one but I know it’s part of my path. It's beautiful that you’ve found connection with trees, I hope you find even more moments that feel nurturing. I’m with you. 💗
thank you for sharing, Robin. I appreciate your honesty in each of your posts! Yes, I understand that part of meditation. I think that that’s what makes the philosophy behind it helpful. That you are not your thoughts, and that not every thought is true. There are some somatic exercises which have brought me back into my body as well. Thank you so much for your kind words and resonating with what I shared. 🤍
Okay, first: those who took their paid subscription away after you reshared what your reality is? I know the money is needed, but let them go. I had to stop reading at the point where the story about the cop who said a less experienced one would have shot you on sight was, because I remember that from when I first read it and I still wanna scream because why is this world so unsafe for you and your people and I'm the whitest white skinned person ever and guess what, the only thing that matters is that people are not okay now. (Does this sentence still make sense? No? Sounds like me tbh.)
Second: about your question for the tea with the butcher? It's possible she doesn't know how to answer just like you didn't know how to write for a week. I mean, I didn't meet her, but people hide their struggles easily (okay, not always easily, but you get the idea). I personally owe at least 3 people replies for weeks... actually, make that four, and also I got your latest email but even that I couldn't make myself to respond to. I really don't think you did anything wrong with that message. Maybe she doesn't want to have tea - but that's not your responsibility. We cannot dim our lights constantly because we are afraid that we will upset someone even with the slightest "how are you" (I mean this in general). A lot of people go through life without even the smallest regard to what pain they cause to others, and people like you and me and so many of us are agonising over things like this, further ruining our wellbeing (I'm not saying this to tell you off for not looking after yourself or anything like that, I've just been hitting rock bottom recently and I think I finally managed to say some of the things now with words.)
To summarise: you're a decent person, yes, and please don't beat yourself up (I know, easier said than done - I will probably go now and really really hope I didn't say anything hurtful). Love ya mean it.
I had to pause when I was re-reading the original version. because I had the same reaction. They were my real lived experiences but a part of me had to detach in order to cope. I felt like I was reading about someone else and I was terrified for her. We all deserve such a better world. (And I understood what you meant.) 🫂
As for the butcher, I hear you. Adult me was rational and had that same thought - maybe she didn’t know what to say or didn’t want to. Either way, it’s not my responsibility. But the other part of me (that thinks my existence is a mistake) was convinced that I had messed up. Turns out, I didn’t it. We hung out yesterday and it was a sweet moment. I never want people to agonize the way we do (right there with you) but I wish more folks cared about the impact they have on others. I love you. 💗
Reading your newsletter in my inbox today, I asked myself an anxious little question. Do I risk leaving an awkward little comment sounding like a weirdo, or do I contribute to the silence?
Fuck it. Sending you so much love from afar. Thank you for being, for being you and for writing. If I had more, I'd give more, but even so, you're included in my radical hope practice because I run purely on spite towards everyone and everything that works to make this life unbearable for others. You deserve peace and abundance in this world and I continue to believe with every stubbornly vibrating cell in my body that you shall have it.
I’m really glad you said “fuck it” and shared this. Thank you for the love and for believing in me, Emil. A radical hope practice is one of the most beautiful ideas I’ve ever heard of and I’m grateful to be included in yours. I’m stubbornly holding the vision with you that I *will* know abundance and peace one day. I believe it. 💗
You already know I know exactly what you're talking about—because I’ve lived it. Sat in it. Wrote through it. Cried through it. And then cussed it out and kept going.
The fact that you can even put this to words means you're already stronger than the shit that tried to keep you stuck. Everyone commenting how they feel seen? That’s not by accident. That’s a sign. That means this is a moment, not a lifetime. You know that deep down. The steps to make this just an experience—not your whole damn existence—are already within reach. But yeah, I get it. This is unknown territory. You forgot how to accept the very things you’ve been praying for. That’s okay. It happens.
That’s why community exists. That’s why this space exists. Not just to make other people feel seen or heard, but to also bring you joy. To help you navigate toward what you want, too. You don’t owe anybody perfect processing or polished pages. Write for YOU. Forget we exist sometimes. Hell, this is your house—we’re just guests. And the ones who truly get it? We’re not going anywhere.
People will always have something to say. Girl, f*ck them people. You ain't for everybody—and that’s your superpower.
You’re scared of the love because now it's actually here. That deli lady? That on-time rent? That guide you wrote that’s helping you? Baby, that’s not a coincidence. That’s alignment. That’s your answered prayers with a name tag on them. You can’t be surprised when your blessings come and then act like you’re not home when they knock.
“Forget we exist sometimes. Hell, this is your house - we’re just guests. And the ones who truly get it? We’re not going anywhere.” Girl, this is a WORD. I feel read for filth and encouraged all at the same time. Grateful for your gift of words, needed this today. 💗
Exactly. It’s nearly impossible to talk our trauma brain and trauma heart off the cliff of worrying about seemingly small things that we actually haven’t done wrong. And the price of poverty is that you don’t have time for trauma this but you have more of it to deal with.
I just read a really interesting essay about how we punish ourselves by measuring what should be easy by how much time or effort it should take and not by how much it weighs on us.
I had a project that I didn’t know how much time it would take but it ended up taking a little over a hour. Once I started it wasn’t that hard either. But it weighed so much. It was so important and the responsibility of it was weighing on me. I’ve had 2 minute phone calls I needed to make weigh on me because of my fear of being a nuisance. This new framing helped me realize that it only adds to my suffering to punish myself for what weighs on me because it’s not difficult for people who don’t have my trauma or neurodivergence.
And I’m sure, absolutely certain, every message from you is a gift whenever you deliver it. 💗
Thank you for saying that about not having time for trauma. I haven’t been able to find the words but that’s it. I get angry at myself because I haven’t healed that part of my brain but that’s because I haven’t had space to. My life is one trauma to the next. And I so relate to the weight of tasks. I appreciate the reframe, I really want to be more empathetic (and gentler) towards myself. Grateful for your kind words, Amy. 💗
I can attest to that last statement. Every message from Robin is ALWAYS a gift to me.
Robin. I love you. Please love you too. And I remember your Memorial Day post and my original comments stand. Even more so. Screw the folks who unsubscribed. Pearls before swine, as they say. I freaking HATE July 4th. I tried to go camping to get away from the testosteroney-explode-shit-miscreants and ended up having to pack my car up at ten, because some a-holes started setting off professional grade explosives, then drive into the middle of no where (away from mountain camping) to sleep in my truck with my two dogs and partner. My little shepherd is terrified of fireworks, and in New Mexico, it is SO dry, they are banned in most places. But does this stop these morons from trying to start a fire and kill us all in the name of “liberty?” Hell, no. F them all. That is how I’m feeling this morning. Just want some damn PEACE and QUIET. And I am with you.
I love you too, Tristen. Thank you for that. Reading your camping experience made me so damn angry. People like that are selfish to the point of destruction and for what? I’m starting to feel that way you did that morning. Except, it’s every single day lately. I can’t stand that for me. We deserve peace, quiet, safety and to exist with people who care about others. I’m really glad you’re here.💗
I am 100% with you, every word!
We are bombarded with success stories exclusively where key elements are missing, so we don't have a remotely realistic understanding of what it takes to sell the content online.
Your writing helps uncover the ugly truth, it is authentic. Thank you for that! 🩷
That means a lot, thank you Jelena. I look forward to sharing my successes one day too but for now, this is where I am and that’s ok. Thankful to have people like yourself that are with me! 💗
I am profoundly grateful for having come across your writing. I root for you from the bottom of my heart. ❤️
I genuinely feel your care, thank you again.❤️
Aww, I actually came back to read the previous post as I was genuinely interested but I had no capacity at the time. I can definitely relate to what you have mentioned here from my own experience. I personally have found ease and solace in meditative philosophy/strategies. Primarily that we are not our thoughts. It has given me breathing room to unravel some of the pain that is wrapped up into the self-talk that echos I am a burden. I am still too on a desperate search for belonging, the strongest connections I have felt are with trees. I wanted to witness what you had wrote in the previous post, as your perspectives and experiences are important. I am here because you share your truth
Thank you for coming back, Nicole. I really appreciate you for that. You can read it here:
https://open.substack.com/pub/iamrobindivine/p/white-people-dont-think-about-this?r=3u9pu&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
I’ve been feeling a pull to meditate too. It feels odd to say but quiet is scary for me because the voices in the silence are so cruel. And I relate to your self-talk - I hear that same thing. The search for belonging has been such a painful one but I know it’s part of my path. It's beautiful that you’ve found connection with trees, I hope you find even more moments that feel nurturing. I’m with you. 💗
thank you for sharing, Robin. I appreciate your honesty in each of your posts! Yes, I understand that part of meditation. I think that that’s what makes the philosophy behind it helpful. That you are not your thoughts, and that not every thought is true. There are some somatic exercises which have brought me back into my body as well. Thank you so much for your kind words and resonating with what I shared. 🤍
Okay, first: those who took their paid subscription away after you reshared what your reality is? I know the money is needed, but let them go. I had to stop reading at the point where the story about the cop who said a less experienced one would have shot you on sight was, because I remember that from when I first read it and I still wanna scream because why is this world so unsafe for you and your people and I'm the whitest white skinned person ever and guess what, the only thing that matters is that people are not okay now. (Does this sentence still make sense? No? Sounds like me tbh.)
Second: about your question for the tea with the butcher? It's possible she doesn't know how to answer just like you didn't know how to write for a week. I mean, I didn't meet her, but people hide their struggles easily (okay, not always easily, but you get the idea). I personally owe at least 3 people replies for weeks... actually, make that four, and also I got your latest email but even that I couldn't make myself to respond to. I really don't think you did anything wrong with that message. Maybe she doesn't want to have tea - but that's not your responsibility. We cannot dim our lights constantly because we are afraid that we will upset someone even with the slightest "how are you" (I mean this in general). A lot of people go through life without even the smallest regard to what pain they cause to others, and people like you and me and so many of us are agonising over things like this, further ruining our wellbeing (I'm not saying this to tell you off for not looking after yourself or anything like that, I've just been hitting rock bottom recently and I think I finally managed to say some of the things now with words.)
To summarise: you're a decent person, yes, and please don't beat yourself up (I know, easier said than done - I will probably go now and really really hope I didn't say anything hurtful). Love ya mean it.
I had to pause when I was re-reading the original version. because I had the same reaction. They were my real lived experiences but a part of me had to detach in order to cope. I felt like I was reading about someone else and I was terrified for her. We all deserve such a better world. (And I understood what you meant.) 🫂
As for the butcher, I hear you. Adult me was rational and had that same thought - maybe she didn’t know what to say or didn’t want to. Either way, it’s not my responsibility. But the other part of me (that thinks my existence is a mistake) was convinced that I had messed up. Turns out, I didn’t it. We hung out yesterday and it was a sweet moment. I never want people to agonize the way we do (right there with you) but I wish more folks cared about the impact they have on others. I love you. 💗
Reading your newsletter in my inbox today, I asked myself an anxious little question. Do I risk leaving an awkward little comment sounding like a weirdo, or do I contribute to the silence?
Fuck it. Sending you so much love from afar. Thank you for being, for being you and for writing. If I had more, I'd give more, but even so, you're included in my radical hope practice because I run purely on spite towards everyone and everything that works to make this life unbearable for others. You deserve peace and abundance in this world and I continue to believe with every stubbornly vibrating cell in my body that you shall have it.
I’m really glad you said “fuck it” and shared this. Thank you for the love and for believing in me, Emil. A radical hope practice is one of the most beautiful ideas I’ve ever heard of and I’m grateful to be included in yours. I’m stubbornly holding the vision with you that I *will* know abundance and peace one day. I believe it. 💗
Girl. GIRL.
You already know I know exactly what you're talking about—because I’ve lived it. Sat in it. Wrote through it. Cried through it. And then cussed it out and kept going.
The fact that you can even put this to words means you're already stronger than the shit that tried to keep you stuck. Everyone commenting how they feel seen? That’s not by accident. That’s a sign. That means this is a moment, not a lifetime. You know that deep down. The steps to make this just an experience—not your whole damn existence—are already within reach. But yeah, I get it. This is unknown territory. You forgot how to accept the very things you’ve been praying for. That’s okay. It happens.
That’s why community exists. That’s why this space exists. Not just to make other people feel seen or heard, but to also bring you joy. To help you navigate toward what you want, too. You don’t owe anybody perfect processing or polished pages. Write for YOU. Forget we exist sometimes. Hell, this is your house—we’re just guests. And the ones who truly get it? We’re not going anywhere.
People will always have something to say. Girl, f*ck them people. You ain't for everybody—and that’s your superpower.
You’re scared of the love because now it's actually here. That deli lady? That on-time rent? That guide you wrote that’s helping you? Baby, that’s not a coincidence. That’s alignment. That’s your answered prayers with a name tag on them. You can’t be surprised when your blessings come and then act like you’re not home when they knock.
Be the blessing you want. You already are.
“Forget we exist sometimes. Hell, this is your house - we’re just guests. And the ones who truly get it? We’re not going anywhere.” Girl, this is a WORD. I feel read for filth and encouraged all at the same time. Grateful for your gift of words, needed this today. 💗
That's me too.
Please don't stop writing. You help keep me sane.
I'm so grateful we're in this together, Lori.💗
I hate how much I relate to this
I’m so sorry you relate to it too 💔