Well... I had a very similar thing happen recently. Not exactly the same, but you get the point here. We were friends. Best friends. Best friends like I had never had in my life. Real guy friends, a thing I had always wanted/needed but never got because nobody else ever saw me as a guy. Hell, we were brothers.
And then? It all fell apart. He fell in love with me, and I'm married and monogamous. And that key thing ruined all of the good we had built together in the matter of seconds. I lost a very important friend, and it felt like he died. Like a heart attack or a stroke. Sudden. Painful. Gut-wrenching. Only it's worse because he's not actually dead. He just turned on me and made my life hell after making it epic, and how does a brain cope with that shit?
So I guess I get it. And I'm sorry this grief is so hard to bear. I feel that too.
Oh Robin - I'm so sorry to hear that. That sudden turn in such a close friendship is so damn harsh. It really does feel like a death. My mind still can't comprehend that relationships can end in seconds. The "epic" to "life is hell" pipeline is one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. There are days my brain is still unable to cope. I can't stand that you know this feeling too. I hope time eases the grief for us both. Sending you love.
Thank you for sharing your rawness. You can't blame yourself. I will give you what I *think* may have happened. I think so many of us that have experienced hurt, pain, and abuse, have HUGE hearts, so we yearn to help others...but at certain points, because of the past, we freak ourselves out. This woman may have had her own blind spots and once she made herself so vulnerable, felt afraid because of her own garbage. I am sorry it cut it you open as it did, but it's never about YOU. Please take care of yourself. I understand the cutting to *feel* something, to purge the crap, but know that all feelings are ok, and when we have the courage to face them all, the waves of emotion will pass through and around us and we will be left stronger and more focused than ever. I hope you find peace.🙏🏻
I love this comment so much, thank you. Much of the "why" is unknown for me, but I really do believe she had a genuinely caring heart. It all happened so fast. When I step back and put myself in her shoes, I can (kinda) see how she may have felt overwhelmed and unaware of her own blindspots. It still hurts, but seeing it from that perspective helps me hold a little bit of compassion for her. As for the emotions, I'm learning how to be ok with whatever shows up - even I don't feel anything. The void is such a hard place for me. I look forward to knowing peace one day. I appreciate you for being kind, T. 💜
I remember. The post you wrote about this was the first post I read from you and, well, I had people exiting my life without a word and not giving me any choice in the matter, so I guess I felt you.
It took me eleven years to completely get over the case of my former best friend, the one I felt was my twin sister (and that's because in my post-cancer depression, I sent her a message and she actually replied and we said we both did things we shouldn't have and forgiven to each other, I guess - it's not like it would completely delete the experience from me, but it helped A LOT).
I wish I could have an easy and quick for this, but as I said, eleven years... so I don't. But it's not your fault and you are lovable and I love you. We love you.
Oh Beáta, 11 years. 💜 I'm so sorry. I'm glad to hear the message helped even though it didn't erase the experience. Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever have a conversation. I doubt it but I think it would help. Not having any communication makes me feel like it's entirely my fault even though I don't believe that's true. I have a feeling I'll carry this with me for quite a few years. Thank you for sharing this, I'm really grateful for the love you all show me here. I love you too.
Robin, I'm like, 110% sure it's your brain telling lies to you when you think it's entirely your fault. I hope it's gonna be way faster for you to heal than it was for me, but my own experience says you will need time indeed. For me it was the lack of closure that bothers me in everything, but especially in things like this, and also I felt violated because I had no choice, I had no words in a matter that affected my life very much - I understand people draw boundaries but... I could never do it like this. But hey, at least after things like this happened repeatedly (yes, there was a pattern there), I "learnt" to get over these people very fast. The last one affected me for 24 hours, then I was pretty much fine.
Anyway, you are good and lovable and you didn't deserve this. Sending all the hugs to you.
I felt this to my core. And the video you posted. Omg I have seen it before on my LI feed and L. O. V. E. D. It. I’m going to ponder on the how the lies feel so real. I really related to that.
I've watched that video no less than a hundred times - I love it so, so much too. It always gives me a glimmer of hope for what's possible in life no matter hopeless I feel. I'm glad this resonated, thank you for sharing that with me.
The way she treated you makes zero sense to my heart. I don't understand humans sometimes at the most fundamental level. It's almost borderline abuse to have made herself so essential and then to just turned it all off. I'm so sorry. This shit from people makes me mad.
That was the part that got me. A casual friendship would be been fine. However, she continued to escalate it. But what really pissed me off was when she admitted she had read all of my past writings (multiple times) and was well aware of my pain points. It made me wonder if what she did was intentional. I doubt it but I don't put anything past humans anymore. Who knows. Thanks for being caring, Michelle.
That's what I don't understand in these things. Whatever happens, even if whatever boundary someone wants to draw to protect themselves for whatever reason, how can they inflict this much pain on someone else? They know how much it hurts the other person and still turn away. I could never do something like this.
Right? To be transparent, I have an incredibly hard time (for a bunch of reasons) keeping up with relationships. With that said, I can't see myself making grand gestures to a person in pain and then just...leaving. The only thing I understand is that I barely understand my own brain and I understand other people even less. This taught me really try to be a less terrible human - work in progress...
I know you said that your relationship wasn’t sexual or romantic but I am definitely going to show this to my partner because he doesn’t understand how I can support him and his family (our family now) without feeling like I’m sacrificing and he’s undeserving. You and he both deserve the moon! I’m so sorry it was taken away from you.
I supported two previous partners and before those relationships ended I made sure they were financially stable because even though it didn’t work out for me, I felt like I owed it to myself to be generous to someone I had loved and in many ways would always love. I don’t think this is behavior special but the people I’ve told think it is.
I am honored that you shared your vulnerability in both how much care matters and how much the lack of it does too. Both are transformative. I’m sorry you are going through this and that society expects you to be resilient while you shouldn’t have to be.
We've heard from me before but I'll say it again: clusterfuck of an experience. Sometimes we lapse especially on anniversaries. We don't mean to, our bodies just go into it.
This is such a lovely comment, thank you for sharing. To tell you the truth, I think I’d do the same as you. Unless there’s been irreparable harm caused, there isn’t anyone in my life I wouldn’t offer support to regardless of our relationship status. I’ve never been able to make the care fade away. Love, yes. Care, no. May we all receive the moon and the stars in the ways we’re cared for by others!
Thank you for this, Robin. I'm moved and with overwhelming emotions. Sending you love and gratitude.
Thank you for the support and love, AJ. 💜
Well... I had a very similar thing happen recently. Not exactly the same, but you get the point here. We were friends. Best friends. Best friends like I had never had in my life. Real guy friends, a thing I had always wanted/needed but never got because nobody else ever saw me as a guy. Hell, we were brothers.
And then? It all fell apart. He fell in love with me, and I'm married and monogamous. And that key thing ruined all of the good we had built together in the matter of seconds. I lost a very important friend, and it felt like he died. Like a heart attack or a stroke. Sudden. Painful. Gut-wrenching. Only it's worse because he's not actually dead. He just turned on me and made my life hell after making it epic, and how does a brain cope with that shit?
So I guess I get it. And I'm sorry this grief is so hard to bear. I feel that too.
Oh Robin - I'm so sorry to hear that. That sudden turn in such a close friendship is so damn harsh. It really does feel like a death. My mind still can't comprehend that relationships can end in seconds. The "epic" to "life is hell" pipeline is one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. There are days my brain is still unable to cope. I can't stand that you know this feeling too. I hope time eases the grief for us both. Sending you love.
Thank you for sharing your rawness. You can't blame yourself. I will give you what I *think* may have happened. I think so many of us that have experienced hurt, pain, and abuse, have HUGE hearts, so we yearn to help others...but at certain points, because of the past, we freak ourselves out. This woman may have had her own blind spots and once she made herself so vulnerable, felt afraid because of her own garbage. I am sorry it cut it you open as it did, but it's never about YOU. Please take care of yourself. I understand the cutting to *feel* something, to purge the crap, but know that all feelings are ok, and when we have the courage to face them all, the waves of emotion will pass through and around us and we will be left stronger and more focused than ever. I hope you find peace.🙏🏻
I love this comment so much, thank you. Much of the "why" is unknown for me, but I really do believe she had a genuinely caring heart. It all happened so fast. When I step back and put myself in her shoes, I can (kinda) see how she may have felt overwhelmed and unaware of her own blindspots. It still hurts, but seeing it from that perspective helps me hold a little bit of compassion for her. As for the emotions, I'm learning how to be ok with whatever shows up - even I don't feel anything. The void is such a hard place for me. I look forward to knowing peace one day. I appreciate you for being kind, T. 💜
I remember. The post you wrote about this was the first post I read from you and, well, I had people exiting my life without a word and not giving me any choice in the matter, so I guess I felt you.
It took me eleven years to completely get over the case of my former best friend, the one I felt was my twin sister (and that's because in my post-cancer depression, I sent her a message and she actually replied and we said we both did things we shouldn't have and forgiven to each other, I guess - it's not like it would completely delete the experience from me, but it helped A LOT).
I wish I could have an easy and quick for this, but as I said, eleven years... so I don't. But it's not your fault and you are lovable and I love you. We love you.
Oh Beáta, 11 years. 💜 I'm so sorry. I'm glad to hear the message helped even though it didn't erase the experience. Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever have a conversation. I doubt it but I think it would help. Not having any communication makes me feel like it's entirely my fault even though I don't believe that's true. I have a feeling I'll carry this with me for quite a few years. Thank you for sharing this, I'm really grateful for the love you all show me here. I love you too.
Robin, I'm like, 110% sure it's your brain telling lies to you when you think it's entirely your fault. I hope it's gonna be way faster for you to heal than it was for me, but my own experience says you will need time indeed. For me it was the lack of closure that bothers me in everything, but especially in things like this, and also I felt violated because I had no choice, I had no words in a matter that affected my life very much - I understand people draw boundaries but... I could never do it like this. But hey, at least after things like this happened repeatedly (yes, there was a pattern there), I "learnt" to get over these people very fast. The last one affected me for 24 hours, then I was pretty much fine.
Anyway, you are good and lovable and you didn't deserve this. Sending all the hugs to you.
I felt this to my core. And the video you posted. Omg I have seen it before on my LI feed and L. O. V. E. D. It. I’m going to ponder on the how the lies feel so real. I really related to that.
I've watched that video no less than a hundred times - I love it so, so much too. It always gives me a glimmer of hope for what's possible in life no matter hopeless I feel. I'm glad this resonated, thank you for sharing that with me.
The way she treated you makes zero sense to my heart. I don't understand humans sometimes at the most fundamental level. It's almost borderline abuse to have made herself so essential and then to just turned it all off. I'm so sorry. This shit from people makes me mad.
Be well.
That was the part that got me. A casual friendship would be been fine. However, she continued to escalate it. But what really pissed me off was when she admitted she had read all of my past writings (multiple times) and was well aware of my pain points. It made me wonder if what she did was intentional. I doubt it but I don't put anything past humans anymore. Who knows. Thanks for being caring, Michelle.
That's what I don't understand in these things. Whatever happens, even if whatever boundary someone wants to draw to protect themselves for whatever reason, how can they inflict this much pain on someone else? They know how much it hurts the other person and still turn away. I could never do something like this.
Right? To be transparent, I have an incredibly hard time (for a bunch of reasons) keeping up with relationships. With that said, I can't see myself making grand gestures to a person in pain and then just...leaving. The only thing I understand is that I barely understand my own brain and I understand other people even less. This taught me really try to be a less terrible human - work in progress...
"The only thing I understand is that I barely understand my own brain and I understand other people even less. "
Ah, this. This I can very much relate to.
I know you said that your relationship wasn’t sexual or romantic but I am definitely going to show this to my partner because he doesn’t understand how I can support him and his family (our family now) without feeling like I’m sacrificing and he’s undeserving. You and he both deserve the moon! I’m so sorry it was taken away from you.
I supported two previous partners and before those relationships ended I made sure they were financially stable because even though it didn’t work out for me, I felt like I owed it to myself to be generous to someone I had loved and in many ways would always love. I don’t think this is behavior special but the people I’ve told think it is.
I am honored that you shared your vulnerability in both how much care matters and how much the lack of it does too. Both are transformative. I’m sorry you are going through this and that society expects you to be resilient while you shouldn’t have to be.
We've heard from me before but I'll say it again: clusterfuck of an experience. Sometimes we lapse especially on anniversaries. We don't mean to, our bodies just go into it.
I was like "this bullshit again?" and then I looked at the calendar - anniversaries are so damn raggedy.
This is such a lovely comment, thank you for sharing. To tell you the truth, I think I’d do the same as you. Unless there’s been irreparable harm caused, there isn’t anyone in my life I wouldn’t offer support to regardless of our relationship status. I’ve never been able to make the care fade away. Love, yes. Care, no. May we all receive the moon and the stars in the ways we’re cared for by others!