Sex Work For Survival

Another Reason Why Poverty Sucks

I almost married a beautiful Muslim man my second year in college.

However, there were a handful of issues. 

I’m gay. I’m not Muslim. We weren’t in a relationship.

It was time for him to take a wife and for whatever reason, he wanted me.

All I had to do was:

• Convert to Islam

• Wear a hijab

• Practice obedience 

• Have his children

• Be a dutiful housewife 

That was the requirement where he was from.

And yes, I absolutely considered it.

I was tired.

I was paying my own way through college, worked two jobs and had no financial or emotional support from my parents. Listen, my Mom would come visit me for holidays because I had a place to stay and she often didn’t.

I had been on my own for years. Guidance where? 

When the kind hearted Mousa offered me the chance to give my brain a reprieve while he handled my life, I wanted to say yes. I don’t remember why I turned him down. Perhaps it was the heterosexual sex? Who knows. What I do know is that I have moments when I wish I had accepted his invitation to a stable existence. 

Life is hard as fuck alone. 

I can’t handle too many more years of unrelenting chronic stress.

That’s how my broke ass ended up in a findom (financial domination) / race play situation with a man from LinkedIn. Anyone remember that? 

Naive and desperate is a horrible combination.

Even once I realized his intentions, I was still kinda on board with it. 

You want me to call you “white boy” and send you hourly Cashapp requests? And ok, you view me as a fetish, but I make double my Uber income and I can stay at home to write? Say less. It was copacetic until I learned he was a predator who had targeted numerous Black women in my network under the guise of “wanting to learn” and “pay reparations.” 

Play in my face, it’s fine. But I’ll be damned if you mess with my community. 

I ended it with a quickness and warned my folks. 

Marrying for security and financial domination - how do these relate to poverty? 

Stay with me…

Lately I’ve been contemplating sex work. I hate that for me. 

However, I’m not in a position to prioritize my comfort at the moment.

I feel desperate. 

And yes, there are other jobs but my brain is broken and…you know what? I’m too tired to explain it. If you know, you know. 

I stand firm in my support of sex workers. 

With that said, there are two career fields that I never want to deal with - a corporate job and sex work. My body and my labor have been violated enough for a lifetime. 

That’s one of the many reason why poverty is trash. 

Those of us in dire situations often sacrifice our emotional wellness in exchange for physical survival. I’m humiliated by the harmful choices I’ve made simply because the other option was death.

I am exhausted. I can’t scream it any louder.

This is not a life - this is daily crisis management. 

All that to say, please don’t judge the actions of a person in chronic poverty. You have no idea what we’ve had to endure just to make it to this moment. 

Liberation to everyone oppressed by the violence of capitalism, ourselves included. 

#PovertySucks