Poverty and Poor Choices

The "Toxic Fumes" Edition

Wait, I can explain…

*Here are links to support Mutual Aid for Palestine, Georgia and Hurricane Helene. 

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People with terrible options make terrible choices. 

When I see a “blue lives matter” bumper sticker, I’m certain my life decreases by five minutes. I can easily count ten on any given day. When I see a white man in a red hat, I’m instantly panicked. My traumatized nervous system can’t discern that he’s probably just an Ohio State fan. When I’m treated with harshness, I wonder if it’s because they’re an ass or because they don’t value my existence?

This is my everyday life in Ohio. 

Each experience is a tiny emotional paper cut and I am bleeding to death. 

Permanently immigrating to Mexico is foreva’ the goal. Until then, I plan to temporarily relocate to Atlanta. 

Why Atlanta?

Because it’s the only place I’ve ever heard described as a haven (for Black people) and I desperately crave gentleness at the moment.

Why can’t I just head to Mexico?

Because I’m poor and lack the money to leave with ease. 

Isn’t there toxic, life threatening chlorine gas in the air? 

Yes, yes there is. 

People with terrible options make terrible choices.

I found a beautiful apartment in Georgia.

With help from The Guarantors, my application was approved.

(*This is a useful resource for anyone unable to rent due to a low credit score.) 

Am I concerned about my physical health? 

Kinda. 

But my first concern is the health of my animals. I intend to take every precaution to ensure their safety - air filters, sealed windows and inside walks for Nico. 

As for my own health…

I can stay in Ohio and slowly die from chronic racial stress. Or, take my chances with toxic fumes and exist in peace around my own folks. 

People with terrible options make terrible choices.

What a dreadful country this is. 

As for the picture…

I reached out to a friend who is a Clarity Concierge Coach - such a top tier name!

(You can find her on LinkedIn or Instagram)

“I want to leave…wait, does that make sense? But I can’t stay. Dammit, Robin!

I needed clarity. 

We did an exercise where I randomly selected the image above.

She told me to look at the picture and ask myself “should I stay?”

My entire body shuddered. I clearly heard a voice scream “baby, get the fuck out.” 

This visual is a terrifying and accurate reflection of my time in Ohio.

The way people openly stare at me and it ain’t ‘cause I’m cute.

And yes, I have fear about the move.

But I consider this harm reduction for my worn out spirit. 

The violence of racism is exhaustive, wasteful and consumptive. 

Many of you understand precisely what I mean. If you don’t, then take a moment to sit with why I felt I had to make this choice. Do you sincerely believe I want to move to a place with Cop City and chlorine gas?

As a Black person in this country I’ve learned that I have to “pick my poison.” In other words, I have to choose what causes the least harm. 

This time it was actual poison. 

To close this out, moving is expensive as hell. 

If you’re able to share resources and help my little family leave up outta Ohio, that would be incredibly appreciated.

Venmo: @divinerobin

CashApp: $divinerobin

Paypal: practicecommunitycare@gmail.com

You can also support my wellness and my continued writing by upgrading to a paid subscription, joining my Patreon at any tier or sending a cuppa via Buy Me a Coffee.

I ache for the day when I’m able to make plans for my life that are rooted in care instead of crisis management.

Poverty truly does suck.