Poverty 101 (A Refresher)

The Cycle of Suck Edition

This is poverty. In 2023 I crowdfunded eye surgery, I currently have a broken front tooth, I need 20k in poverty related dental work and I can’t afford PT for my sprained ankle. But I just need to work harder, do I have that right?

I recently had a conversation about poverty. Afterwards, I wept like a tiny baby goat. The person was completely unaware that their words had broken my heart. They shared how others in their circle (not them personally) viewed poor people.

• We’re lost causes

• We don’t deserve care

• Our circumstances are our fault

I’m aware that society hates us but to hear it that blatantly…

I wanted to scream “it’s me! You’re talking about me! We’re humans!” and slam my computer shut. Instead, I choked back anger and recounted my own painful story of poverty even though I knew it wouldn’t be deeply heard or handled with care. 

It’s time for a Poverty 101 refresher class, friends.

Let’s talk about it! 

I’ve been poor my entire life - five decades. I call it a Cycle of Suck. ™️ 

A Cycle of Suck is when a person hasn’t had the resources, space or time they need to heal. As for me, I’ve never healed from growing up in poverty, being raised by an emotionally unavailable parent or the multiple childhood traumas I’ve endured. 

I am stuck in a Cycle of Suck.

Why am I stuck?

One reason is because I’ve been focused on basic survival. 

Another reason is because I was raised in a family that never recovered from their own traumas. My Mom and Grandma never knew how it felt to thrive in life. Their focus (just like mine) was to simply survive. 

And no, I don’t live in poverty because…

• I’m lazy

Poor people work harder than you will ever understand. 

• I lack intelligence

lmao be serious. 

• I need to learn to budget. 

Baby, I can’t budget money I don’t have.

Please understand that poverty is systemic and on purpose, it is not a moral failure of the individual. Poverty is a function of society that works as intended.  Our systems aren’t broken - this is what they wanted. And unfortunately for me, I wasn’t born into a life that afforded me the financial and emotional resources I needed to overcome the decades of systemic oppression I faced as a Black child and then, a Black woman. 

How has my own Cycle of Suck shown up? 

• I’ve been homeless four times

• I’ve never experienced financial stability

• I lack the emotional bandwidth for relationships

• I’m consistently unable to care for my basic needs

• I can’t “catch my breath” regardless of how many “little life boats” I’m thrown

But the harshest reality is how unworthy I feel as a human. 

I suck at capitalism. However, I’m creative as fuck and I serve my community.

Over the past two years I’ve curated a Black Business Guide, compiled an 8 hour playlist of Psychedelic music by artists of the global majority for use in sessions, wrote a “Creating Safer Space” guide for psychedelic facilitators on how to reduce harm to Black clients, built a Substack with nearly 150 posts and created the Palestine Resource Guide.

(I’d give anything if the last one never existed.) 

And in spite of my creativity I’m barely able to pay rent each month. 

I do not value my worth, my wisdom or my words.

As I shared in a recent note on here:

“Do you know why my Substack is free?

I convinced myself it was because I wanted it to be accessible. However, the truth is that I didn’t believe anyone would pay $7 a month for my writing.

When you’re raised in a society that doesn’t value your existence and you don’t have a solid support system consistently reminding you the truth about how remarkable you are, you eventually start to accept the lie as your reality. It’s trash.”

And now, I’m ready create a new reality. A reality where my creative labor is valued, fairly compensated and allows me to care for my neglected needs with ease. 

I’m worthy of that. 

If you’re currently a free subscriber and you have the means, then I invite you to upgrade to a paid subscription.

Or, send a gift subscription that person in your life who believes poor people just need to work harder. 

And the Let’s Go To Mexicooo Book Fair continues! Visit my Liberated Library to help me raise funds and support my effort to get the hell up outta this country. 

Click here or the image to shop my decolonized collection.

Lastly, I’ll leave you with this as I co-sign every enraged, fiery sentiment.

 “Where’s the creativity? It’s locked in poverty.”

~Khadija Mbowe

Don’t just consume our content - contribute to our care. 

khadija.mbowe

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Want to see how you’d do in poverty? Play Spent. Then if you have the means, contribute to a Mutual Aid organization.