I Don't Wanna Crowdfund Anymore

I Want Care

My mama would have turned 72 today. And yes,I absolutely rolled up a fresh Strawberry Haze blunt in her memory. While I miss her every damn day, I’m grateful she’s not here to experience the harshness of this world anymore. This place wasn’t for her, her heart was too gentle. 

But that’s not why I’m here. 

Today I want to talk about why I despise crowdfunding. To be clear, why I despise crowdfunding for basic needs. 

Why? 

Because we shouldn’t need help with basic needs in a society that cares about people.But lol those of us in ‘merica don’t live in a place like that. 

We live in the bad place. 

Do you know what a crowdfund is for? It’s for an unexpected (infrequent) financial emergency that you can’t cover on your own. 

• Your animal companion needs emergency surgery 

• Your car engine caught on fire (who knew cars needed oil changes?)

• Your house flooded and your insurance company hits you with “we don’t cover that, sucks to be you.” 

A crowdfund isn’t to help you not be homeless or to help you pay for chemo meds so you don’t die. 

There is a beloved mutual aid advocate on twitter (@tinu, please follow and support her) that has been crowdfunding (probably years at this point) to help her pay for her cancer medicine to help her live.

To help her live. 

She is exhausted from not only cancer treatments but long covid as well. And yet, everyday I see her online literally advocating for her life. On top of that, she helps other folks crowdfund. When the exhaustion overtakes her, she has a team of supporters that post on her behalf to ensure that the communities asks are still shared. 

This country should be ashamed from jump. 

As for me, I’ve crowdfunded a ton in my life. And trust, it wasn’t because I wanted to.

Crowdfunding is not “easy” money or a handout. 

People, such as myself, crowdfund for survival.

• I’ve crowdfunded support with an apartment while I was homeless and living in my car with my two  cats. 

• I’ve crowdfunded to help me get my car back after it was repossessed (twice) because it was the most stable home I had. 

• When I finally did moved into an apartment, I crowdfunded a bed because I was tired of having to sleep on an air mattress (and then the floor after it deflated) because I couldn’t afford a bed. 

• And it feels like I’ve crowdfunded rent every month (I haven’t but it feels like it) because regardless of how hard I work, I don’t make enough money to cover my basic expenses.

Basic ass expenses - not tickets to Blue Ivy and her Mama’s tour.

And to keep it real, mutual aid is problematic as well.

• Not everyone get their need met. If they do, it’s generally only after their situation becomes dire

• It’s often based on emotion (does the giver relate to the person in need?) 

• People love to hear a damn trauma story

What I believe folks need instead is deep care.  

Deep care is when people have the time, resources and support they need to heal. 

My childhood was a dumpster fire and yet, I’ve never has the space to heal. 

I’ve never had time because I’m a poor and all I do is work. 

I’ve never had support because my single mama was as traumatized as I was and was more concerned with keeping me alive than my mental health. 

As for resources, did I mention that I’m a poor. Therapy ain’t cheap. I have other issues with therapy but that’s a conversation on the trash of colonialism for another day. 

This is why I’ve been in a Cycle of Suck for over foiur decades

Untreated trauma doesn’t fade away - it compounds. And in my case, it continues to set fire to every fucking area of my life. 

I need time. 

I need support. 

I need resources. 

How do we help folks get deep care?

How do we get people the resources they need to take a month, a year, or five years away from the trauma of life to heal

I have ideas. Baby, I always have ideas. But first, I have to take care of me. Because they way my life is currently set up, I’m on track to be dead before my 50th birthday (just like my mama) if I don’t start to make radical changes with a quickness. 

Robin’s Radical Rest was…ok. But I worked really damn hard for my inconsistent pieces of rest.

That wasn’t what I needed. What I needed was the time, space and resources to heal at a foundational level which would then support me in improving the quality of my life. 

I need deep care. 

What are your thoughts on deep care. 

• What would that look like in your life?

• Do you need to help you heal? 

• If not, what do you need?

All the to say: less crowdfunds, more care.