How We Cope Is Even Colonized

Give Voice To Your Pain

When I write about suicide or self-harm, I typically add a TW. I attempt to be sensitive to the fact that these topics can often cause discomfort.

However, then I question - who made us believe that these topics make us uncomfortable? Who taught us that if they were talked about, that they had to be shaded in warnings and shame?

I want a note of caution before I read about the violence of colonialism. Or, the brutality inflicted on Black and brown bodies. As for the ways a person chooses to cope with their pain? I can always hold tender space for that.

I refuse to be quiet about the harm this world has caused me.

I’ve self-injured since I was 13 years old - over 35 years. There have been stretches of years when I was not active. However, it stays in my back pocket as a source of comfort. I’m thankful that an instant sense of relief is available when I can’t bear the heaviness of life.

The first time I harmed, I didn’t understand that it was seen as destructive. I had never heard about it. I was unaware that other people did it. I didn’t even know there was name for it. What I did know is that I was in deep emotional despair and causing physical injury to my body helped to ease it.

No one taught me how to cope with the violence of this society as an unprotected little Black girl.

At school the next day, I saw the look of horror on a teachers face when she noticed my arms. I instantly realized that what I had done was unacceptable. That brief moment taught me to shut up about my pain and wear long-sleeved shirts year round.

Do you know what I needed as a traumatized kid?

I needed to be in community with mothers and elders where I could rage and cry and break shit and be held and grieve and scream about the violence that been done to me without concern about the comfort of others.

But that’s not socially acceptable. What is acceptable? Addictions.

• Prescription medication

• Workaholism

• Sex

• Caffeine

• Nicotine

• Alcohol

• Social Media

• Gambling

• Materialism

• Approval

But if I’m honest about how I cope with my pain, I’ll likely find myself on a forced psychiatric hold where I’ll be further traumatized.

Do I have a mental illness or is this a human response to existing in a sick society?

We live by moral standards made up by a handful of egoistic, colonial men who were detached from their own humanity.

It’s time to create physical spaces where we can process the harm this world has inflicted upon us. I am an advocate of therapy. With that said, I am at a point in my life where I am talked out. Words are not enough. For the next stage of my healing, I feel called to rage in community with others.

As we now watch the world cry out in grief, please give voice to your pain.

Our collective wellness is not served by your silence.

Liberation to everyone oppressed by the words they have never been able to speak.